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That Day I Went Crazy and Ended My Marriage

The all-too-familiar story that denies women their fury and pain

Kerala Taylor
11 min readNov 12, 2024
Watch out, world… crazy woman on the loose! Photo by sdominick/Getty Images Signature

According to the man I married, I went crazy and that’s why our marriage is ending. I went crazy on April 20, 2024, the night I couldn’t sleep.

By the way, I recommend going crazy in April. By then, the days are getting longer, the weather is finally improving, and you can go on long walks, perhaps occasionally muttering to yourself for the full effect.

It wasn’t on my to-do list to go crazy on that particular night in April. I couldn’t sleep because I was furious, and I wanted a hit of cannabis to calm my nerves. The cannabis was upstairs, where my husband was either listening to music or sleeping on the couch.

He often fell asleep on the couch. Usually the music was still blaring from his headphones when he faded into unconsciousness. If I awoke after midnight and felt the coolness of the sheets beside me, I used to go fetch him. It was the wifely thing to do. I didn’t want him to get a crick in his neck and I wanted his body next to mine, even though that same body often awoke me multiple times a night with its snoring — simultaneously erratic and incessant.

Erratic and incessant — like his fury.

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Kerala Taylor
Kerala Taylor

Written by Kerala Taylor

Award-winning writer. Interrupting notions of what it means to be a mother, woman, worker, and wife. Subscribe: https://keralataylor.substack.com

Responses (64)

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That realization that you are the only one holding it all together, managing your husbands emotions and teaching your kids to do the same, is heartbreaking. Begging him to change, to get help, to become a father and partner who is emotionally…

Best of luck. My dad used to say, “Life’s a crapshoot.”
Divorce is painful for all.
The kids will be fine. Everyone will get through it.
Divorce is a loss. It’s invisible which is confusing. Loss is part of life.
A friend brought me lentil soup —…

In bed, he was his most vulnerable and most generous. This is the way I really feel about you, he’d tell me sometimes. If you ever question anything, just remember this.

How beautifully you capture this intimacy. Loving someone broken by trauma is so complex. Wouldn't it be easier if they were monsters all the time? Wishing you health and healing.