Sounds a lot like the reception women have been getting in male-dominated workplaces for the better part of the last 40 years! And we're talking about dealing with these attitudes 40+-hours a week, not for a 1-hour PTA meeting here and there, often with our very livelihoods dependent on the people with the condescending/patronizing attitudes.

I hear you, and I'm not in any way defending women who give you a frigid reception when you do turn up. But until the gender ratios are more balanced, there's going to be some discomfort involved. I have a lot more to say to say about this in my story, "How to Smash the Patriarchy: A Guide For Men": https://keralataylor.medium.com/how-to-dismantle-the-patriarchy-a-guide-for-men-3c4287f4f518

As for events during the workday, most mothers I know work full-time too and yet they're the ones asking for permission to flex their schedules or work late into the night to accommodate these events. There was a fascinating study done in which male doctors whose wives were lawyers said that their wives did most of this stuff because their schedules were more flexible. The same question was asked of male lawyers whose wives were doctors, and guess what? The male lawyers said their wives did most of this stuff because their schedules were more flexible. Again, I do hear what you're saying AND I hope you'll dig more into these issues because there's a lot of socialization to unpack here!