I can so relate. I remember hearing about an acquaintance who was in a coma (which they thankfully emerged from), and my first though was, "A coma sounds so nice..."

I wrote a piece a while back called, "What I Crave as a Middle-Aged Mom" and it was about my fantasy of escaping to a room of my own (ideally, a house of my own) just to reset and recharge. I have frequent dreams in which I discover an entire floor or room of my house that I didn't know existed -- fully furnished and just waiting for me to escape to it!

As you've likely picked up on, I'm also going through a very difficult season in my life, and the holidays make it that much harder. You feel like you're "supposed" to go through all the motions. Good for you for taking some much-needed time to yourself!