I appreciate your thoughtful question, and I do admit that there is a degree of comfort that comes with the control. That's one reason I would absolutely encourage younger couples to begin having these conversations much earlier (preferably before having children) and to continue having them as their parental responsibilities evolve and change. I think because more is demanded of women during pregnancy/childbirth and because fathers can't typically take extended paternity leaves, we fall into these roles very early on and then it gets harder to cede control. I also just finished an excellent book called the 80/80 Marriage, which offers a helpful lens through which to divvy up responsibilities: Skill, Passion, Standards. For instance, I love cooking, I'm really good at it, and I have high standards for the quality of the meals we eat. For that reason it absolutely makes sense for me to take on the cooking rather than try to divvy that up 50/50. My husband may not have a passion for cleaning the house after dinner, but he does have higher cleanliness standards, so it makes sense for him to take that on. We can extend that lens to emotional labor as well. I actually love researching and planning trips, and I'm good at it. My husband meanwhile is much better at talking to customer service reps than I am and I would happily let him take that responsibility over any day of the week! I would definitely recommend the 80/80 Marriage for more guidance in this realm. Thanks so much for reading!