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Going Back to Work After Childbirth Was the Hardest Thing I’ve Done
Yet we act like it should be no big deal
There was something in my pocket.
Usually I didn’t wear jeans to work, but on this particular day, I arrived late and slightly flustered. I had met my husband after an appointment so I could hand off our 11-week-old baby and take the metro to my office. In the whirlwind that precedes leaving a house with a baby, I had neglected to change into professional attire.
Standing at my desk, fishing in the pocket of my jeans, I found a pacifier. I stared at this object in my palm, trying to comprehend it. In my “other life” — the messy, loud, emotional, fluid-filled life that I staggered through each evening, night, and weekend — this pacifier was my lifeline. My baby had a generous set of vocal chords and opinions to match.
But here in the office — the clean, calm office, where everyone used their indoor voices and fluids were confined to their proper receptacles — the pacifier looked entirely foreign. It had no place here.
I had been back at work barely a week, and I simply couldn’t reconcile these two worlds.
Before I gave birth to my first child, I couldn’t imagine what I would do with 10 whole weeks away from the office. Throughout the…
