White fragility and interracial coupling do not go hand in hand — On our third date, the man who would become my husband told me, “You get it.” The “it” he was referring to was racism. At the time, I was flattered to have a Black person acknowledge my wokeness. But I’ve since realized that three dates in, I didn’t really get…

What saves us time also costs us — The restaurant was little more than a collection of picnic tables, their legs submerged in sand. Behind them, the ocean sprawled — that vibrant, pulsing Caribbean blue. Bright and achingly beautiful. My parents had read about the restaurant in a guidebook, and we had come prepared. We’d brought playing cards…

It was something tangible and positive I could do — It’s summer, which used to mark the time of year when I exhaled. I grew up in San Francisco, where summer meant wind and fog, but it also meant the end of school and 10 precious, stretching weeks of freedom. When I discovered that most working adults don’t get summer…

So why is it so hard for adults to understand? — Here’s my new rule of thumb: If something makes sense to my six-year-old, it probably just makes sense. Granted, my six-year-old still believes that a bearded man in a red suit flies a reindeer-powered sleigh around the world every Christmas to deliver presents made by elves. But as he approaches…

There are real trade-offs we need to address — I never imagined that March 13, 2020 would be my last day in the office. It might have been my last day in any office, ever. I didn’t take much home with me that day. We had decided to go remote for “at least two weeks,” then we would reassess…

There’s a lot more to the pay gap than you might think — One day, back in 2009, I discovered that I was making less money than the man sitting next to me. This man was my co-founder; we had been working side by side for over seven years. When we went to our first conference, we had stayed in a youth hostel…

Where is the connected, informed, egalitarian society we were sold? — Every night, I fall asleep to white noise — synthetic static filtered through my iPhone speakers. I started using the app years ago to drown out my partner’s snores. Now the stillness, the emptiness of silence keeps me awake. I’m careful not to check my email or my social media…

Even death has a racial bias — On our second date, the man who would become my life partner received an unexpected phone call. It was from an old friend. At first, my partner’s face lit up, the way faces do when you hear from someone you haven’t heard from for a while. His dark skin crinkled…

Call me a partner, please — I’ve been a wife for nearly 14 years, and still, I wince ever so slightly when I hear myself referred to as such. Early on, I assumed wife would be something I’d grow into eventually. Every title is new and strange when you first try it on. Mama was new…